Something has happened to me. I did not mean for this to happen. I did not choose this… it seems to have taken place below my line of vision, and I admit, I don’t know what to do with it. Something has intruded upon my life that was just beginning to feel stable again.
Against my better judgment and all expectation, a new faith is growing in me. My only explanation is that the seed must have been planted in my sleep for had I been awake I would never have allowed it. My breath was taken when I noticed the tiny green leaves pushing through the soil. I crouched close to the earth and stared, mouth agape. A sapling of trust. I did not make it, I did not build it, I did not toil or fight for it… and to my complete surprise the anger that would grab my hoe and rip it from the ground is no where to be found. I stand in silent, terrified joy. What does this mean?
I don’t know it’s future, but I have a shadowy vision of an ancient redwood; one whose roots reach deep, deep into the earth; whose leaves see all, catch the rain and take in all the sun has to offer, transforming it into life.
So, I know this is a bit awkward, but, hello Faith. I wasn’t expecting you, but you are welcome to stay.
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So happy to read this :) When I ran into Blake this past weekend, he told me that you guys were in a house church together, and I was excited and curious to hear that, and this post answers my curiosities a little.
ReplyDeleteHow strange but beautiful that faith can just grow within us, without us willing it or planting it. Maybe those Calvinists are onto something when they say that faith is a grace of God, err, when they quote that verse from Ephesians that can be interpreted to mean that.
I've missed your writing this semester, and I hope that you continue to write more :) I love you and look forward to catching up soonish, I hope!
This reminds of a verse in the Bhagavad Gita as Gandhi interpreted it. In the verse God benevolently showed a prince His true form, and Gandhi elaborated on what the prince exclaimed he saw:
ReplyDelete"The whole universe, despite its manifold divisions, is gathered there in Him like a tree and its leaves.. The root contains the whole world of the tree, and the leaves represent that world divided into many forms.. The tree is like the cosmic form of Lord, the roots and the leaves being one."
Very exciting! If your experience is anything like mine, this mysterious new thing that's coming up out of the ground will provide cooler shade and bear better-tasting fruit than your old tree that got uprooted some time ago. Keep me posted!
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