One thing.

But the Lord answered her, "Martha, Martha, you are worried and distracted by many things; there is need of only one thing. Mary has chosen the better part, which will not be taken away from her."
Luke 10:41-42 NRSV

I met with a new mentor this week, and the conversation - and perhaps more precisely, the communion – that we shared is still trickling through my spirit; bringing new hope as it touches each brittle, fragmented part, softening me, and opening me again.

It wasn't that he gave me answers, though some of those were given, it was that he communed with me in my struggle and grief. He saw the spirit of God moving in me where others saw disobedience and rebellion. He leaned into my pain rather than trying to turn away, he believed me rather than attempting to make me question myself. In short, I suppose it would suffice to say, he loved me, he accepted me. Isn't that funny? We learn so much in church about right belief and right practice, and how to evangelize... yet, so many of us seem lacking in the skill of loving each other in truth.

I'd like to put down our whole conversation and all the new connections I made between experience and faith, the path I've forged in the question of the suffering of the world... and maybe someday I will, but for now I'd just like to share that the answer was: Love. The answer for me is love, as a noun and a verb, in all its complicated, all-consuming, unbelievable reality. Love. (You can be the judge as to whether this sentiment is of God or the Beatles)

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Last night I talked with a friend who is struggling to live an extremely counter-cultural life (NB: Of late I have become aware that I am excessively blessed with good friends. I confess I am a glutton of amity). As he conveyed to me how hard it has been and how people are constantly pushing him to get back on board with the "American Dream," he said, "Emily, I just want to do one thing well." It made me think of all the theological struggles I have had, well, forever. I have countless memories of myself in high school pouring through apologetics and Bible commentaries for hours on end to discover why you shouldn't take communion until after you are baptised, or what Paul really meant when he charged the single people to stay single; and what did it mean to be holy? and how should I pray? and who is saved?? So many questions; so many why-s; so many am I doing this right-s. I was the head of the search committee. Then yesterday I thought: I have no idea how to love my neighbor. I have no idea how to do the thing that Jesus commanded more than anything else; the thing that makes more sense to me than anything else, that is so clear and uncluttered by theological dissonance.

So in this fast-paced world that teaches us that we can know and do all, I've decided, that though maybe there is a place for all the other questions (and maybe not), for now, I'll just stick with this one thing, and try to do it well. So if you are interested in the place of feminism in the church; or whether or not there is a hell; or how many paths there are to God; then God bless you and may your search be fruitful, but don't ask me. For now, I am only pursuing one question and I am only doing one thing.

Speak to me not but of love.